When I was growing up, my father often offered advice here and there and for the most part it was helpful, encouraging, and supportive. Every once in a while, he would say something that caught me off guard. For instance, he would drop me off at school or soccer practice and say, “Don’t bite your teeth” or “Don’t forget…” and never finish the sentence, just leave it there, awkward in the ensuing silence and he would leave his index finger pointing up, gesturing that whatever it was, I shouldn’t forget it. He did this often, so often that my brothers and I came to expect it and usually we would play along in the ridiculousness, pretending to be earnestly trying to not forget whatever it was we did not know we were supposed to not forget or remembering to not “bite our teeth,” slapping our foreheads in a feigned a-ha moment.
It wasn’t until later that we realized what these messages from our father actually were. They were koans – Zen riddles used in Buddhism to help others meditate and gain enlightenment. Popular koans such as “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” and “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make any sound?” challenge the use of logic in certain areas of thinking. I don’t think my dad was trying to challenge us in the use of logic or guide us towards enlightenment but was more likely just trying to get us to laugh or smile.
But my father’s koans stuck with me and when I took a course in Buddhism in college, I began to see the utility of reflecting on things and perhaps not relying too much on logic in every situation. We studied a book called Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki, which described the application of a philosophy of approaching each experience with openness and humility, as if experiencing them for the first time, ready to learn from the situation and improve ourselves through the practice. This idea has stuck with me since then and has helped me through many challenging times in my life.
One of the central tenets of Buddhism is that life is suffering. As a physiatrist, I know suffering. Whether it was taking care of an 18 year-old who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now has a spinal cord injury and will never walk again, or a 45 year-old executive with a ruptured brain aneurysm who is trying to regain function from his brain injury, Beginner’s Mind helped me to approach these situations with equanimity, energy, optimism, and some hope. I see suffering on a daily basis as a pain management physician, and again, Beginner’s Mind helps me with compassion and empathy to help my patients in pain.
Beginner’s Mind is useful in old and new situations, where a fresh perspective can open new directions of thinking or deepen appreciation for the current thinking. I think it keeps me balanced during times of stress in my business life or my personal life. It is challenging to keep this outlook in my day-to-day life, but I feel the benefits pay off in the long run. I named my blog Beginner’s Mind to remind myself to keep this outlook as I embark on new directions and appreciate the old ones.
As a father myself, I haven’t yet told my kids to not bite their teeth, but some day I will. I hope they can appreciate it as much as I have and become the best versions of themselves as a result. Maybe that’s what my father wanted me not to forget.