There are innumerable blogs, articles, songs, and books about happiness. It is a goal of almost everyone I know and I hear it often from other parents: “I just want them [son/daughter] to be happy.” It’s like a carrot hanging in front of all of us, leading to the promised land, where we can finally be happy.
Except I’m not sure it works that way. The current thinking in our society seems to be that happiness as a destination, an end-goal, a final accomplishment. We work hard, put in our time, and retire with a gold watch and spend our days on the beach and can finally find happiness. But hard work in a miserable job spending time away from family and friends in the pursuit of material success will not lead to happiness. Most companies are no longer handing out gold watches and most problems don’t go away when you walk onto a beach.
In the classic R&B/Soul song “Love and Happiness,” the Reverend Al Green sings, “Happiness is when you really feel good about somebody.” That certainly ties in with recent studies that have shown that the people and social support network you create are responsible for the majority of your happiness. It is more important than the amount of money you make after a certain point and more important than the number of fancy gadgets or watches you have.
Along with a strong social support network, there are personal habits and practices that establish a framework for happiness to exist. It is then up to us to find happiness in our daily interactions and activities. Such habits and practices are gratitude, appreciation, humility, and grace. Achieving these qualities is not easy. They are the result of constant consistent effort and self-reflection with the goal of continuous improvement. It is a daily exercise just like going to the gym.
I recently came across an article describing attributes of several Scandinavian countries that ranked highly in happiness. What these countries all have in common is funded education, healthcare, and community support built into their cultures. The article suggested people in these countries worry less about debt for education or healthcare and are able to focus on other problems in their lives. Have they achieved pure happiness? Of course not, but they are closer to being able to establish the framework for happiness to exist in their lives. Again, this is not easy. The countries at the top of the happiness list establish funding and policies that each member of their society pays for. The cost is not insignificant but because they prioritize a basic support of education, healthcare, and community, they are able to do so.
I’m not a psychiatrist or happiness expert, but I see patients looking for happiness in my pain management practice. Unfortunately many of them are looking for it at the bottom of a pill bottle. Instead, my goal is to empower these patients and maximize their function so they can build that framework for happiness to exist. Really, that should be the goal of each of us in our pursuit of happiness.
Comments