My son recently finished a year with a select soccer team. He had done well with the neighborhood team the previous season and we thought he could and should try out for the select team. He was excited to do so and when he made the team, my wife and I were very proud of him and we looked forward to watching him play and grow in his favorite sport.
Except that it didn’t really turn out that way. He showed up for the first practice and was promptly ignored by the coaches, assistant coaches, and other players. Everyone else seemed to know exactly what drill to do, what order to do them, where and when you were supposed to move on from the drill, and what came next. I helplessly watched my son flounder all over the field, sometimes asking other players what to do, sometimes asking the coaches what he was supposed to do, but never really figuring it out and just kind of running around in circles, lost. There was no one on the sideline for me to ask either, so it was up to him to try to find his way.
We hoped the situation would get better over the next few practices and he would gradually pick up on the drills and exercises, maybe make some friends on the team to help him get more comfortable, or at least talk with the coaches a bit more to find out what the heck he was supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, none of that happened. He spent the next practice, and pretty much every practice, exactly as the first, floundering around and looking lost on the field. I don’t know if the first few practices burned him out and he lost his motivation or if he genuinely was still confused about the drills and exercises but he made it very clear to us that he grew to hate soccer and complained loudly whenever we tried to get him to go. He eventually joined a different team and hates soccer less, but it still seems like the damage has been done.
What went wrong? My son was excited to play with the new team and open to any information that could help him. But the leadership of the select team was lacking, in my opinion. I often think of his first few practices at the select soccer team. If any of the coaches or even the players had spent just a few minutes to talk to him, lend him some support, or even just a little direction, things may have turned out completely differently. But because no one did, my son lost his passion for his favorite sport and was miserable. Fortunately, we were able to turn it around to some degree but I imagine in other cases where this happens, the outcomes are not so great.
Taking a few minutes to acknowledge everyone on your team, soccer or otherwise, goes a long way to establish a strong culture of support and openness. It doesn’t have to be an intense one-on-one session to do a deep dive into every person’s life story, but enough to make the other person feel valued, heard, and appreciated. It really should be genuine as well – even 10 year-olds know when someone is faking it. But by doing so, each team member feels that they are part of the team and not wandering lost on a soccer field. The time and energy we invest in others strengthens the team for the long-term and sets us up for future success and to achieve our goals.
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